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Take the television out of the bedroom-this includes turning off the cell-phones. If you are not on bedrest, there is no need to have a T. It takes away time that could be spent engaging in pillow talk, cuddling, kissing, and making love. It is fine to go to the movies now and then but when I say go on a date I mean GO on an intentional date where conversation can be had throughout.
Take a long drive through the canyon, go on a picnic in the park or at a garden.
Spending time together without a distraction of a movie or comedian allows time to rebuild intimacy and learn or re-learn about your partner. Touch is such a powerful tool for connection.
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Human touch is a basic primal need. We do not outgrow this. Holding hands while watching your favorite show, walking around the neighborhood, or waiting for your table at a restaurant can create that closeness without a lot of effort.
Research shows that couples who play together have increased bonding, communication, conflict resolution, and report overall satisfaction in the relationship. Play can be something spontaneous like a water fight while in the garden or tickle fight while doing housework, something planned like going bowling, or just sitting down for an old-fashioned game of cards. So, give yourself permission to get silly and be a kid again.
How often do you give your partner a quick peck goodbye in the morning or hello after work?
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Sure, that is nice, but it becomes routine and unpassionate. Holding a kiss for at least 5 seconds gives you that intentional purpose of showing your partner that you love them. Sometimes there is an issue that goes a little deeper, and that issue is impairing your relationship. If you need couples counseling, please call our office at to make an appointment. We are here to help.
Recovering from a breakup can be a confusing time in life as your head and your heart struggle to get on the same page. You may have started grieving the loss of the relationship long before it ended, while family members and friends are just beginning to deal with their own feelings of loss. Your heart may be telling you to try again, while your head is filled with fears about suffering another loss. When we lose a partner to death, we are often given the social permission to dismiss their flaws and focus on their virtues.
Losing a partner to a breakup can feel like the opposite, where we dismiss their virtues and focus on their flaws. Doing so often makes the recovery process difficult and longer than it has to be.
Here are some helpful suggestions for navigating the process of healing from a breakup. Assume total responsibility for the break up. At first glance, this will seem counterintuitive.
Acknowledge the grief. By calling those emotions what they are, you increase your ability to understand them.
By understanding what you are grieving loss of the ideal relationship, loss of companionship, etcyou are able to determine what may motivate you to enter a new relationship too quickly. Remember, grief is a process. Normalize the experience. Each relationship will teach you something significant in preparation for the one that will last.
Maintain an attitude of gratitude. Nothing helps in the process of healing quite like gratitude.
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Can you be grateful for the experience? Treat yourself. I often hear stories from men and women who discover their partner has sexual secrets.
Sometimes those secrets involve pornography, sometimes they involve infidelity, sometimes they involve fantasy or sexual preferences.
The individuals who share these stories with me often feel betrayed because the expectations they had about the sexual agreements within their relationship were not kept.
The first problem to address is that most of the time, these sexual agreements were unspoken.
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I want to encourage couples to make these unspoken agreements spoken. All couples should talk about their expectations for their sexual relationship. In order to facilitate this discussion, here are six principles that constitute healthy sexuality.
Spend some time with your partner and discuss each one, what it means to each of you as individuals and how it relates to you as a couple. One word of caution, avoid having this discussion during or after sex. Those times are likely to bring with them heightened vulnerability, which if the discussion is difficult in any area, can lead to increased defensiveness and conflict.
The discussion will go much more smoothly if you sdule it for another time.
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